“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7 

Every once in a while, as I write these, what I plan on writing about (prayer) is trumped by what Spirit wants me to write about (gratitude).

These last 2 months have been quite the ride, for all of us. Getting sick and being diagnosed with Neuroendocrine tumors was certainly not on my summer (or any other seasons) bucket list. And this on top of honoring the first anniversary of David’s mom’s death on June 22. I have walked this walk with many of you over the last 11 years, and I anticipate walking this walk with some of you in the future. But as your pastor who is your spiritual guide, not as the one who is being cared for.

For as many times as I have gone through it with you, though, it is very different going through it yourself. And dare I say, even more difficult when you are a pastor. Pastors aren’t supposed to get sick. They are the caregivers. The rocks that hold steady in the storms. But I am ever so gently reminded that, as I write that, God is laughing at me. (I know I have much to learn on this journey, and I plan on learning everything I need.)

It most certainly would be easy enough to sit back and let the sadness of the situation, the frustration, the cries of “This sucks! And “This isn’t fair!” to take over. But if you know me at all, that isn’t me, and it isn’t my nature. Like so many before me, and so, so many after me, I am sick, and life moves forward. I have no intention on sitting around and letting life go on without me.

Thus, where I find myself today. I haven’t been able to take our somewhat unruly dog out by myself until the last few days, and it has been so hot, I don’t like doing it any more than David or the boys. But today was different. It was warm, but not unbearably hot, and the breeze was enough to keep the gnats at bay. The kind of day that Nala, and I, love. So she laid on the ground in the shade, while I sat on the front step, for 45 minutes. I found myself noticing every detail of the day—the beautiful light blue of the sky, the puffy clouds floating overhead shape-shifting as they moved, hearing the rustle of the leaves of the trees, feeling the sun and wind on my face, smelling the air which was unusually unscented, and smiling and waving at everyone who passed by. With everything I noticed, I let the feeling of deep peace about the chaos in my life permeate my body, all the way to my soul. The deeper the peace felt, the more overwhelming the feeling of gratitude for all of it became. I am blessed, and I am so thankful for all that I am blessed with.

Every day brings new information, and more opportunities to express my gratitude to God for what I am given. Conversations with people I don’t expect to hear from, just to check on me. Surprise visits from friends I haven’t seen in 20 years. The amazing Care Team I have stumbled upon. Being surrounded by family. Not having horrible symptoms that I really could be experiencing.

And then there is you. My faith family. The loving, caring, supportive folks who pray for me and my family every day. Who bring food, and ask the questions, and express their fears, as well as their hopes. A church body who is allowing their pastor to work as she can, take the time to heal when she needs, and intentionally chooses to walk this journey with me. Words just do not express how grateful to you I am. The tears of gratitude continue to be shed each day.

And here’s the big thing: every time I offer God thanks and praise, the more peace I feel. I have zero clue what the future will be like, but I had zero clue about that before these NETs decided to rear their ugly heads. The truth is, none of us knows what the future will bring. And that is why I am not letting life move forward without me. It is why I choose to be grateful for each and every thing I am given, for each and every moment I am allowed to be here on this earth, to be wife and mother, daughter and sister, friend and pastor.

Thank you for who you are, and for how you shine God’s light and love into this crazy, chaotic, and very beautiful world!

God is good—all the time! All the time—God is good!

Always Peace,  Pastor Heidi