“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”      ~ Isaiah 41:10

The above scripture is my mantra right now. Since before my August 30 surgery, when I find myself feeling most

anxious, I repeat those words. And when I can’t, my head says, “DO NOT FEAR. I’VE GOT YOU.”

There were many times throughout my week in Iowa City where I needed to say them. In the morning on the way to the hospital; when David and Kirsten had to leave so I could get my epidural and prepare for surgery (which did NOT go well!); when I was in pain; when I was frustrated with my roommate situation; when I just wanted to go home.

Fear shows up like a thief in the night—totally surprising you. It brings with It its dearest friends—Anxiety, Anxiousness, and Anger. And when they all get together, creating the perfect storm of worst case scenarios within your head, it is hard to fight them off. Especially when you are facing unknown things.

But, not really to my surprise at all, I am learning a lot during this journey. First, that the unknown, while scary at times, is usually way less intimidating than Fear wants us to believe. Second, time continues to move, and suddenly, you find yourself just about 4 weeks post op, receiving your treatment already, and healing well—despite the fact that you didn’t ever think you would get to this place.

But maybe the biggest lesson that has been reiterated to me, is that God has me. God carries me when I can’t walk. God places exactly the right people at my bedside, or in front of me—my angels—at exactly the perfect time. (Remember, I said perfect. And perfect isn’t always MY time! In fact, there were many times I would have preferred they show up sooner than they did, but God is in charge, not me!)

I am not alone. I am surrounded by love. Not just from all of you, but from churches who have added me to their prayer list across the state and nation; from people I love, to people I have never, and probably will never, meet. They, you, continue to be my prayer warriors. I cannot express how humbling that is, and how grateful I am. (I mean, seriously, I am the one who is supposed to be at the bedside praying over someone, right? I am the pastor!)

But God has a different plan for me, one that includes good. One that will prosper how I live my life, and how I share the love and light of God with others. I am receiving new understanding and insight on so many things. I am growing my compassion for others like wildfire, and I feel my heart grow each day with new love and new life that God continues to gift to me.

I don’t wish this journey upon anyone—it isn’t easy. But then, I am a warrior for Christ, and I am being prepared for something new—something big. Something that has yet to be revealed to me. We—both you and I—will know it when it comes. So keep watch.

In the meantime, words will never be enough for all the love and gratitude I have for each one of you! THANK YOU!

Always Peace,  Pastor Heidi